I work with a great mediator in Small Claims and we were discussing our most recent tough cases. I had just mediated with a man who began his opening statement by telling me he had been cheated, lied to and swindled by the company he was suing. I thought I used my best skills by reflecting his feelings and helping the parties share facts. However, his anger kept strong. In fact, I found myself using every tool in my bag to hold back what I call the “Runaway Client”. That is what I call a client who won’t end their opening statement and allow us to move onto the next step in the process.

The other party was able to initiate an offer and I tried to move the man toward negotiation. When presented with choices, he continued with details of a story that included a 150 page book of e-mail letters in the same demand forms he was speaking in. Needless to say, I needed to mention the time and give him one minute to consider the offer proposed by the other party or we needed to wrap up our session. He continued to speak over us and we just moved to getting a date for trial.

So I was speaking to my mediation team member about this issue and she suggested a simple solution.  I feared this phrase when it was suggested at first. She suggested that I ask “Why are you so angry?” after his first statement. I feared that this question would break open a floodgate of emotion but isn’t that what I was getting already? What if I could use the process to break open that dam?

So, with her simple wisdom I am going to enter that emotion flood zone head-on. The next time I have a “Runaway Client” I am going to take a new approach with the mediation process. In addition to managing time, I am going to focus on feelings-no matter what they may be. When another opening statement begins with such powerful language I will initiate the conversation with “Why are you so angry?”  Sometimes, it is not the validation of anger a person seeks.  They may want to vent and dissipate that anger before they can move forward.

By:

Michelle Jackson M.A.
Vancouver, WA
360-953-0545